Our lovely Saturday afternoon ended with a rather anxious trip to the mall so that her camera could be diagnosed with a clean bill of functionality and health. My friend and I were unfortunately, at the mall. Because the average American is a mindless consumer, although it was a beautiful 45 degree fall day, the entire parking lot outside the mall was packed. We drove around, circling with befuddlement at the lack of available spaces for two girls who just needed to get to the damn camera store. And then, opportunity. We spotted a man walking toward his vehicle and I immediately threw up my hands, emphatically pointing. My friend sped into action and I crossed my fingers and as we pulled into our new space as soon as he had vacated it. We were victorious. But one giant cloud obstructed our view: the shadow of the navy blue minivan with Momzilla behind it, a woman and her bratty pre-teen daughter (I ask you to recall those articles in the paper in the last few years about oral sex on the bus). She was mouthing something which was probably very rude to the both of us, although I’m not sure what it was. I’m sure I was living her poor husband’s ultimate fantasy at the moment: The bitch, in mute. She proceeded to exit her car and grab onto the door of my friend’s car, trying to wrest it from my hands as I attempted to get out of the car. While her words didn’t come out of her huge gaping mouth (to match everything else) with breaths of fire as an accessory, she was certainly vicious enough when she said
“This is very wrong. I have been waiting for this space for five minutes. I have my daughter and my newborn baby in the car?”
So it’s our fault she decided to get fertilized?
I asked “You were waiting for that, particular man?” Which I knew was impossible because we had caught him before he even hit the actual lot, he was on the sidewalk when we noticed him.
“Yes.”
My friend called bullshit and she continued to flip. Waddling back to her car, she pulled out a steno pad and began vigorously writing down my friend’s license plate number. It’s illegal to park in a parking space now? Keep in mind it wasn’t one of those ridiculous “customer with infant parking” signs. It was an unmarked space. While my friend decided she was going to be magnanimous, I myself lifted my hand to salute her with “the finger,” all I could manage to do in my fury. We pulled out of the space and went to find another. Another young woman attempted to take the same space as we pulled out, and the psychopath went off on her tirade again to the bewilderment of that poor soul. Thankfully, a sane mother and daughter pair directed us to their space.
Oh, how de-institutionalization has failed us. Complete psychopaths like this woman are wandering around on this earth, and breeding. If this were 1888 her poor husband could put her in an institution…citing “Delusions of Grandeur” but as it is, my friend and I were stuck dealing with the after affects of Princess Placenta’s Postpardem episodes. A fertile womb does not special rights yield. I just thought I should remind you.
Emerald Faith 