Dear Delusional Contemporary Parent,
When your insolent little brat comes whining to you telling you that another adult “yelled” at them, there are several things you should consider before going to talk to that adult, and being a yappy, intolerable shrew. Because you look completely foolish trying to defend your child when you’re both clearly in the wrong.
1. See the sun…..up there…..in the sky? It’s right beside our planet. You know, the earth, that big sphere which is clearly revolving around you? It’s not shining out of the ass of your yelling, screaming, insubordinate result of the successful plan you enacted to poke holes in your diaphragm before you husband was ready for kids. Thanks.
2. Your child could be lying because he or she knows it always works with you. Especially when you’re wearing those rose colored mommy glasses you’re so fond of.
3. You were clearly not with your child when the so called “yelling” occurred and therefore were not acting as a proper vigilant parent.
4. Most people cannot tell which parent belongs to which child simply by looking at them, so “coming to you” isn’t always possible because…
5. Safety issues often demand that “mommy” and “daddy” not be consulted before a kid is told to start behaving.
Parents today are doing a disgraceful job. Some of the things I’ve seen kids doing in public would have gotten me put in time out so fast my skull would have spun off the atlas bone in my spine (the first cervical vertabra, but I’m sure for those of you I’m addressing in this blog that didn’t have to be explained because Oprah magazine keeps you so informed that you knew that already).
But today, the assumption is this: they are not misbehaving. They are expressing their individuality. They’re so creative, and we don’t want to squash their spirit. They’re not obnoxious, unnecessary, entitled little shits. And they’re certainly not a reflection on their parents, who certainly aren’t exactly the same.
Emerald Faith 